Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Fat Bird's Dinner

Now before any of you go and get all offended, the fat bird is Me. I went on a hen weekend recently (and had a fantastic time, thanks ladies!) but was horrified at some of the photo's I consequently saw on Facebook. My ass is Huge! It's been sat on in front of a pc for months now (thanks to my job) and has been neglected.

It's time to stop moaning about it, get off said fat ass and do something to make it smaller. In comes my discovery of Ryvita with Sesame Seeds. Despite looking like cardboard, they are actually rather nice (note my shock and pleasant surprise....) especially when spread with Philadelphia Light with Sweet Chilli. And so begins my latest health kick. I'm fast approaching the big Four Oh and I figure it's high time I started looking after myself. Giving up the smokes and caffeine are impossible options right now so I'll have to take the 'you are what you eat' approach. I don't want to be skinny so I won't eat a skinny person. Plus there's the snarly legalities of that one... let's not go there eh?

I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. There is no 'goal weight' and none of this 'I want to lose a stone by Christmas' crap. I'm just going to make more of an effort to look after 'me'.

As I was making my terribly healthy lunch today, the warehouse chaps came into the kitchen with bags of Chips. Complete with salt and vinegar!
Oh my God, they smelt so good! Rotten bleeders. They heard quite a lot of unladylike language whilst they ate, from me and a few of the office ladies. All with a smile and some laughter of course :-) I even managed to resist the urge to beat them to the ground with my Ryvita and run away with their bounty. Go me!

Then the exercise.... Ugh! I hate it but I Know I need to do it. I'm thinking Zumba. The other half mentioned it 3 times last week so I think he's planning to buy it for me for my birthday or Christmas. I think it's a bit of a cheek to give such a gift to be honest. It's like saying 'here ya go fatty, go lose some weight'. How rude! Even if I do know my waistline is expanding.....

I'm a size 16. I know I will never be a size 12 again and I don't care. I have no idea how much I weigh and I don't want to know either. I just want to 'feel' better and like what I see when I catch a glimpse of my bum in the mirror. I like my curves and want them to stay; I just want a smaller bum.... and maybe a flatter stomach. And besides, I like corsets. Love them in fact. You gotta have curves to look good in a corset.... in my humble opinion.

The Gorgeous, Curvy Ashley Graham - an interview with the lovely Ashley

I was going to post a nice pic of the beautiful Crystal Renn (former plus-size model), but she appears to no longer believe her own words from way back in 2009.... she is now Very Thin. So much for being proud of her curves.... And her boobs have vasnished. So ner.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

The Evil Weed

My doctor told me I should go out and murder people... !!
OK, so I'm exaggerating.... hugely. What he actually said was I should stop smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. Same flipping difference if you ask me! These things keep me going and to give them up would make the lives of those living with and around me a living hell. Believe me, I have tried many times to give up the evil weed. The last time I made the valiant attempt my little munchkin was five years old and even he said 'Mummy, I think it's time you did a smoke' on day three. Bless him... I hope he's not scared by scary 'I need a bloody fag!' mummy.

As for coffee...  I'm pretty sure my blood is 20% caffeine. Without coffee there would be no get up never mind go! I'm an occasional insomniac and getting up of a morning is becoming harder with age, especially if I have been staring at the ceiling until stupid o'clock with a brain that just won't shut the hell up and let me sleep. Though I'm sure the getting out of bed (or lack of ability to) is also a hereditary thing. My siblings are the same and my parents too. I still remember Dad having cold mugs of coffee chucked over him to make him get up an hour after his alarm had gone off. I just sleep straight through my alarms (yes I have 2....). I have tried so many things to make me get up on time, I'm beginning to despair. Maybe it's time to invest in a cockerel?

Saturday, 17 September 2011

the best medicine...

I'm a huge fan of facebook. It's full of random and often hilarious drivel. I have many friends, family and nutters on my chums list, some of which are very close and much loved. This was posted to my wall today:

Great Spirit~ This is my girl, my friend and sister, whom I love and this is my prayer for her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her to shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most and, let her know when she walks with you, she will always be safe.' "I Love You Girl!" Now you're on the clock. You have to tell nine sisters you love them, including me. Get going!

How sweet is that?! I don't normally post back such things but the young lady that posted it is a wonderful friend and so I returned the favour. The reason I don't tend to re-post them is that some people get really jealous and mardy if you don't include them in the re-posting! Wth? Go figure...
It's as bad as those text messages you get... 'Send this to five friends and you will win 6 squillion pounds within 3 mins and 12 seconds! Delete it and you will Die within the hour!' Ok a slight exaggeration, but they are rather dramatic. I deleted one yesterday, and guess what? I'm still here! That should really piss some people off...

So many people take facebook very seriously which I find hilarious in itself. Yes it's a great site to keep in touch with friends but do they really need to know that you are currently
picking your nose whilst watching XFactor? or waiting for a bus? (now that's a blatant blag for a lift if I ever saw one...) No ta lol

And so I do my best to continue to post rubbish, update my status with pointless twaddle, share (in my humble opinion) good tunes and generally take the mick out of everyone and everything with only a rare 'serious' moment. Laughter is the best medicine and quite frankly, I'm there for the laughs :D

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Birds & Beas...

Is he really that old already?! My 9 year old little ray of sunshine has been asking all those awkward questions these past few weeks so his Dad decided to have a little 'talk' with him. God only knows what he told him but he just giggles and refuses to talk to me about it now. It's quite comical but a little frustrating too. We have always been honest and open about as much as possible but at the same time tried to shield him from the stuff he simply does not need to know just yet so I have ordered this for us to read together in the hope that I can break this 'blush' barrier with my boy and let him know that Mum is approachable too and ensure Dad has done it properly (the talk that is...).

It has also brought back memories of my own Dad and our chats. He was always honest and upfront about such things and let me watch the likes of 'Porkies' vidoe's on our betamax when I was about 14, so I guess he was also rather broad minded! Your help would of been appreciated with this one Dad... Missing you xx

*Shakes self* Lighten up Jo! It's Friday Eve and time for Celebrity Juice.... Potato!!!

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

What now?

Well I got my act together and sorted this blog malarky... and what now? To be honest I have no idea!  It's all very well my friends giving encouraging nudges in this direction but when faced with the blank screen I froze. Writers block already? This can't be good. I guess the best thing is to stop trying and just type...facebook one liners are so much easier!

This week has been pants so far (I know, it's only flippin Tuesday!) so I'll only bore you with the nice.  Don't worry, I won't be telling you what I had for tea (unless of course it was amazing).

My friend and colleague (Sarah aka Pookledo) and I have been having a good nose around the Internet to research a works project (secret...for now) and I found some fabulous things. I am usually inspired by colours of the season as in plants and such like but I'm so loving pink right now. Not baby pink or rose pink, I mean Pink! Bright and beautiful Fucshia pink. The sort of pink that slaps you in the face and yells 'Oi!' I never used to like pink. Is it an age thing I wonder?

So anyway... here's a little cheer me up celebration of Pink. Yum.

I was as impressed with the photography as I was with the pieces for sale. Gotta love a girl with attitude!  Check out magpievintage's blog for more info: and some stunning vintage jewellery.